Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Happy Turkey Day levity: Claralinguistics.

Back in the day when the closest thing to an Internet was the BBS (Bulletin Board Service) and networks such as FIDO, RIME, U'NI net, WWIV, and such, I came up with Claralinguistics as a satiric answer to Lee Rizor's Truely Big Dic (tionary).  And it goes like this:

Clarabell
Clarabic
Clarabill
Clarable
Claraboiled

Clarabolate
Clarabolic
Claraborate
Claracal error
Claraceous

Clarachord
Claracter
Claracteristic
Clarachute
Claracity

Claraconda
Claraction
Claractivity
Claractionable
Claracuticle

Claradestine
Claradiction
Claradid
Claradio
Clarado TX

Claradactyl
Claradox
Claradventure
Claraeon Hotel
Clarastatics

Claraesthenics
Clarafe
Clarafficient
Claraffluent
Clarafully

Clarafornia
Clarafy
Clarafication
Claragated cardboard
Clarageenan

Claragraph
Claraguay
Claragulation
Clarahelion
Claraholic

Claraiope
Clarakeet
Claralastic
Claralateral
Clarateral damage

Claralegal
Claralily
Claralinguistics
Claralingual
Clarallel

Clarallelogram
Claralition
Claramatic
Clarambulance
Clarambulation

Claramel
ClaraMia
Claramie WY
Claramity
Claramityville Horror

Claramount
Claramount Pictures
Claramutual
Claramutuel
Claramour

Claran Wrap
Claranara sauce
Clarance 13' 9"
Clarance Sale
Clarandicular

Claranecdote
Claranet
Clarannuil
Clarannual
Claranthemum

Claranetics
Claranitis
Claranormal
Claranthesis

Claranthesis
Claranthetical
Clarantedote
Claranoid
Clarantics

Clarantis, preying
Clarantula
Clarapheral vision
Claraphrase
Claraphonics

Claraphract
Clarapet
Claraplastic
Clarapractor
Clararado (CO)

Clararchy
Clarascope
Clarasdale horses
Claraseptic
Clarasil cream

Clarasite
Clarasol
Claraspondence
Clarassment
Clarassential

Clarasitic
Clarassistance
Clarastatic
Clarastic
Clarasthetics

Clarastine
Clarastrophic
Clarastocrat
Clarat wine
Clarathletics

Claratable organization
Claratalian
Claratin
Clarassinine
Claratholic

Claratlantic
Claratlantis
Claratribe
Claratrooper
Claratulations

Claraty
Claravac
Claravan
Claravoyant
Claravoyeur

Claraway seed
Clarawax
Clarawinkle
Clarax bleach
Claraxecutive

Claraxecutor
Claraxicon (thank you, George S.!)

CAST OF CLARACTERS:

Claramity Jane
Clarapatra
Clarance of Arabia
Clarance Welk
Jumpin' Clarasaphat
Mount Clararat
Yessir Clarafat
Knight Clarant



Guess what...while rummaging around thru a dusty box of old papers, I ran into a list of other Claracters, but not with "Clara" in 'em.  Here ya go:

Emineggs
Terri Aqui
General Bulbous Bulbous Garlic
Yessir Airafart
Arial Mysharona

Condom Leaseaprice
Knute Gutwrench, General Manager
Mallowmar Gawdawfully
The Imperial Princess Margarine
Ronwald Bumsgelt

Mondopizza Slice
Shine-o-mized Pizzaz
Gorge Scrubyadub Brushfuller
Slick Painey
Donwood Rumstead

Blighterman
Will Grates
Santana Nirvana Banana Lana (with apologies to Gilda Radner)
Endrun Corporation
Phatt Blower and Dom Brokelaw, both of NDT News

Tan Lather, formerly of CDX News
The Pasta Masta
Son of Scram
Hairy Thing Jive
Dom Daschund

The Dashing Dot
The Dotty Dasher
Usama U. Mamma Tambien
Strum Thermin
Dink Getsmart, of MO.

Jakes Carbill
Yoda Mann
Iraquem U. Breakem
Steubis Bookmeister (no good if you don't remember Louis Rukeyser)
Hubris Rookgeiser

Vanillashake Omar
Kaboom Youbetcha
Airy Flincher
"Yankee" Strudel Dondi
Mack A. Rooney

Tequilla O'Mealla
Chairman Paytrick Teahee
Saul Pieman
Rocky N. Bushwinkle
Fulmonty Pietin

Nequila Crewchef
Chuck Kowski
Herr Georg Tusch, Esq.
General Stonewallus
Harmonica Buttinsky

Sir Ballotalot
Sen. Diminutia
Sen. Nunsuch
Wolfman Donderblitzen
Dr. Pimento

Justin Case
Cimarron Coales
Okra Windshield and her precious Doctor Fillerup
Morphin' Mindy
Mahatma Caine (a nod to an original NETWIT on Compuserve: Mahatma Coate)

Oh yeah, I come in Arabic flavors, too...

Al Booqerky
Al Bum
Al Fahbett
Al Effent
Al Ejans

Al Ejehd
Al Kalyn
Al Kemmi
Al Abama
Al Eve

Al Asqa (a nod to Perry Como...but...what was the question again? What did Delaware?)

Al Innwun
Al Oehaa
Al Ofon
Al Fors


Al Aowd
Al Bumen
Al Ott
Al Oqayt
Al Ay

Al Fiyrd
Al American
Al Eiyoup
Ali Ali Alzinnfrei
Abd Omen

Abd Iqait
Abd Ukqt
Abd Toos





{Oh c'mon.  I was a charter member of Compuserve's NETWITS sig, which later was closed and then re-established as WITSIG. Deal with it.}



{Laff, dammit.  I could still post old taglines too, ya know. Oh. Wait...}


Before there was email, there was the QWK packet, and with QWK packets came taglines.  Taglines you could steal.  For instance:

Friends come and go but relatives never leave
Sure, I have a million dollar figure.  But it's all loose change.
CHAIR--the headquarters of your hindquarters
Hi, greetings, felicitations from Mr. Roget's neighborhood
Putt knot ewer trussed inner spell chequer

Move your vowels daily lest ye get consonnated.
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
CATHETER: What the cath did to the mouth.
How is it that the word "phonetic" isn't spelled that way?
 Beware the friendly neighborhood mailman.  He is a CARRIER

He who slings mud loses ground.
AAAAA = American Association Against Acronym Abuse
These are thymes that fry men's soles
Survival Tip #2 -- NEVER moon a werewolf
Don't count your chickens before they cross the road

AT THE HALF: Bears 16, Tourists 0.
Wreck the malls with cows on Harleys...fa,la,la,la,la...
Don't start vast projects with only half-vast ideas.
Vultures fly with carrion luggage
Beware the native Esperanto speaker

Love Thy Neighbor.  Just don't get caught.
 I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Once I blew my shoehorn, but all I got were footnotes.
L'etat, C'est Moe. {All The World's A Stooge}
Four minus two is one and the same.

The early worm deserves the bird.
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
Don't drink and park.  Accidents cause people.
Make headlines!  Sleep on a corduroy pillow.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

DISNEYLAND = a people trap operated by a mouse
Wench--what is used to turn the head of a dolt.
Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been disconnected.
I never metaphor I didn't like
Sure, I'm strange.  I'm saving up to be eccentric.

When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls.  Let the machine get it.
It's as easy as 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884
I started out with nothing and still have most of  it left.
Never believe anything until it is officially denied.

Recession = what takes the wind out of your sales.
Your email has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
!eb lliw uoy tub ereh dnuora yzarc eb ot evah t'nod uoY
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
The idea is to die young as late as possible.

Practice mirth control--use conundrums.
What?! MONDAY AGAIN?!  Didn't we have that LAST week?!?!
I'll listen to reason when it comes out on CD.
If you get a divorce in Texas, are you still cousins?
Refuse Novocane--Transcend dental medication.

Gone Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet.
I'm calling from a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
Get thee behind me, Satin!  I believe in Jeans!
Red ship crashes into blue ship. Sailors marooned.
The only winner of the War of 1812 was Chuck Kowski

...and on the 8th Day, God said: "OK, Murphey, now you're in charge."
 Let he who is never stoned cast the first sin.
Save A Horse--Ride A Cowboy
QVOD, ME ANXVS SVM?
Of course I'm in shape.  Round is a shape.    (this is a Greg Hewgill classic)

INTERNET= Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.
 Inhale Compound W and get rid of your worrywarts.
Boarding School = where to learn carpentry.
Hangover = The Wrath Of Grapes
He who hesitates is miles from the next exit.

A geological specimen in motion accumulates no deposits of lichen.
Time Flies Like Wind.  Fruit Flies Like Bananas.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind.
A fool and his money are some party.
What, exactly, does a doo-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy do?

Constantinopolitanischerdudelsackpfeipenmachergsellschaft.
 This space intentionally left blank.
 When you wave at me, use ALL your fingers!
 Nietzche is pietzche but Sartre is smartre.
 You et it too, Brutus?

A forklift is NOT a machine for setting tables
The Theorem Theorem: If IF, then THEN.
Practice safe government -- use kingdoms.
To err is human--to moo, bovine
Reality Meter:  [\.......]


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